Major Break-Up? End of Your Life or Beginning of a New Version of Your Life?
Divorce, separation, taking a break, or a breakup – whatever you call it, it’s about taking someone out of your routine, your heart, and sometimes even your soul. The name or form of separation doesn’t really matter. Based on my experience, what matters is what you face during and after it. Explaining it to people or dealing with the logistics of sharing material things may vary, but the emotional journey stays universally challenging. Divorce is about calling back the pieces of yourself from places they no longer belong.
When two people decide to divorce, it’s usually because they feel they can’t continue the relationship as husband and wife, or as true “life partners.” The decision is tough. Gathering your energy from where you’ve left it and reclaiming your identity takes real strength. This isn’t even getting into the experience of divorce “when you have kids,” which brings its own layers of complexity.
There aren’t any miracle cures for healing your soul after a breakup, and I can’t offer a magic list of ways to “get over it.” I wish I could provide five or twenty ways to deal with such breaking up process. Each person’s path is unique. You’re not the first to go through this, but you are the only one living your specific experience.
How can I explain divorcing or separation in a plain language?
After a divorce, both people start building their lives again on their own. You start to be an individual adult again. It is scary but also transformative. This can be challenging and painful, especially if they’ve been together for a long time. Emotions like sadness, anger, or even relief can come up. They will come up, let yourself and don’t let toxic positivism gain advantage over your mind. You should let yourself to feel all parts of your emotions while also reminding that same feelings will not continue to hunt you once you let to time and patience work in your favor on their phase. You might have to work through practical things, like dividing up the belongings, finding new homes, or adjusting the finances. If you have children, you’ll also need to work out how to share parenting responsibilities. But one step at a time.
Divorce is not about failure but about choosing a different path when staying together no longer feels right or healthy. It’s a difficult decision, but it can lead to growth and eventually a happier, more peaceful life for both sides. I’m not promoting divorce, I highly advocate and believe in importance of supportive, balanced and peaceful relationships which are cultivated through patience, compassion, understanding and respect. Love that may fuel the decision of combining life togethers should stem from mutual understanding and respecting to other just even because of their existence as a human. I think (you know), we don’t see other individuals as human who can have their own feelings or heart breaks or hopes or expectations from life etc. We are so tied up in our mind, so we lost touch with the realities. We lost touch with the division of our roles. If we could embrace the understanding of other person also have their flaws, traumas or they also need to stay alive and needed to something sometimes to survive. I think once we have this empathy which I believe we must develop emphatic human relation relationships, we could develop our relationships from a better and a genuine place. If we live in a connected society, yes, we must have empathy or we need to develop our emphatic understanding toward other people. We could create more meaningful, grounded relationships, whether romantic or otherwise.
What are the key stages and concepts that might emerge in the post-divorce Journey, reflecting Carl Jung's ideas on individuation, the unconscious, and the Self?
Divorce, while difficult, can be a time of growth, self-discovery, and healing. Some key stages that reflect Jungian psychology may come up. Navigating the period after a long-term relationship, such as a seven-year relationship or five- year marriage, are both a psychological and spiritual journeys.
I want to illustrate how the period after divorce, though difficult, can become a time of growth, self-discovery, and healing.
Individuation and Rediscovery of Self
Separation from the Union: Divorce initiates a process of re-separating the Self from the couple identity. This involves untangling parts of one's identity that became entwined in the relationship. During the marriage, Gaia identified strongly as "the supportive wife." She spent most of her time caring for her partner's needs and often put her own career or hobbies on the back burner. After the divorce, she struggled with who she was outside of this role. She felt a sense of loss and confusion about her identity, realizing she needed to explore her own interests, values, and goals apart from her role in the marriage. Slowly, Gaia started rediscovering activities and friendships that were meaningful to her, reclaiming parts of herself she hadn’t focused on in years.
Shadow Work: Often, unresolved aspects of oneself—the "shadow"—come to the surface post-divorce. Feelings like resentment, anger, or even guilt may arise. Working with the shadow helps one understand unacknowledged aspects of the self, which can lead to personal growth. During the marriage, X always prided himself on being right and intelligent or the reasonable one. He rarely expressed frustration with his partner, even when he felt it, and tried to prove he is right. However, after the divorce, he might start feeling bursts of anger and resentment, sometimes even towards friends and family. Working with a therapist, X could realize he’d been suppressing his true feelings in the relationship, burying resentment to keep the tension of being right. This shadow work could allow him to acknowledge and express his feelings more honestly, making peace with his emotions rather than avoiding them. Eventually, partners could have a deeper bond.
Confronting Loneliness and Embracing Solitude: Jung emphasized the importance of solitude for self-realization. In this space, one can connect with inner desires, needs, and aspects of the psyche that were perhaps ignored or repressed in the marriage. After her divorce, Gaia initially felt an intense sense of loneliness, especially coming home to an empty apartment after years of sharing a space. Her first instinct was to keep busy going out with friends and diving into work. But eventually, she decided to spend time alone to face her feelings. She took up journaling, went on solo walks, and explored her own thoughts and desires. This was not easy. She sometimes thought that she was going to lose everything that she had once. I truly cannot promise about how it is going to be. Asking for support truly matters. However, in this solitude, she began to realize how much of herself she had quieted in the marriage and started rediscovering parts of her personality, passions, and dreams that had been neglected. Embracing this solitude gave her a stronger sense of who she was.
Symbolic Death and Rebirth
End of the Old Self: Jung saw major life transitions as opportunities for death-rebirth cycles. Divorce can feel like a symbolic death, a dismantling of one's old identity. This can be a painful but essential step toward growth. After her divorce, Gaia felt like the life she had known was over. For years, she identified as part of a “perfect couple” with shared routines, friends, and dreams. When that identity was gone, she felt like a part of herself had died. She grieved the person she was in that life, experiencing both sadness and a sense of emptiness. Although painful, she began to see this as an essential step toward creating a new identity and finding her own path.
New Beginnings: This rebirth may bring a renewed sense of purpose or calling. As one explores their authentic self, they begin to discover what life outside of the marriage holds and what they truly seek. As Gaia moved through the pain, she started to see new possibilities. She explored interests she had set aside during her marriage, like arranging woman circles and volunteering. Through these activities, she began connecting with new people and communities. This rebirth phase brought her a renewed sense of purpose, and she started to feel excited about creating a future that truly reflected her authentic self. But never forget about to give yourself, your soul, your body, your heart time, time and time and time. And patience. Please, always remind yourself that Rome was not built in a day.
Reconnecting with the Anima/Animus
Inner Masculine/Feminine: Jung suggested that each person carries inner masculine (animus) and feminine (anima) qualities. Divorce may intensify the need to reconnect with these aspects, fostering balance and a fuller sense of self. During his marriage, X had relied heavily on his wife for emotional support, as she was more in touch with her feelings. After the divorce, he could find himself having to develop his own emotional awareness, a trait he hadn’t fully nurtured. He could begin journaling and could practicing meditation, exploring his feelings without judgment. This process could help him connect with his “inner feminine” (anima), allowing him to be more balanced and emotionally grounded.
Projection Withdrawal: In a long-term relationship, we often project these inner qualities onto our partner, believing they fulfill aspects of ourselves. Do you know that even realizing this part can create a heaviness on your soul. After divorce, it’s crucial to reclaim these projections, leading to a more integrated, whole personality. Gaia, who had always viewed her husband as the “logical, rational or steady one,” realized after the divorce that she had often relied on him for decisions that required calm and logic. She had projected her own logical side onto him, seeing herself as more “emotional” and “intuitive.” After the divorce, she reclaimed these qualities, learning to trust her own reasoning and decision-making abilities, leading her toward a stronger, more complete sense of self. Believe me, this is not easy again but never forget about to give yourself, your soul, your body, your heart time, time and time and time. And patience. Please, always remind yourself that Rome was not built in a day.
Healing Wounds and Forgiveness
Facing Unconscious Patterns: Patterns from family history and unconscious beliefs about love and attachment may surface. Becoming aware of these patterns can prevent repeating them in future relationships. Gaia noticed that her relationship had ended in a way like her parents' separation when she was young. She often felt unworthy in her marriage, echoing insecurities she had developed as a child. By working through these feelings, she recognized that her beliefs about love and attachment were shaped by her past and didn’t have to dictate her future relationships. This awareness helped her release old patterns and move forward.
Self-Compassion and Forgiveness: Developing self-compassion allows one to forgive both themselves and their former partner. This releases negative emotions and opens the path toward peace and wholeness. Gaia struggled with guilt over the divorce, feeling that she had “failed” as a partner. Through self-reflection, she started practicing self-compassion, acknowledging that she did the best she could with the understanding she had at the time. This allowed her to forgive both herself and her ex-husband, who had also struggled. With this forgiveness, she felt freed from lingering negative emotions, opening a path to inner peace.
Preparation for Future Relationships
Developing Boundaries and Self-Worth: A period of self-reflection often leads to greater clarity on boundaries, needs, and values. This can help in forming healthier relationships. After the divorce, Gaia realized that in her marriage, she had sacrificed her own needs to make her partner happy, or not to cause a discussion or fight and then they can spend a peaceful day and so often ignoring her boundaries. She spent time reflecting on what she needed and valued in a relationship. This clarity helped her develop healthier boundaries and a stronger sense of self-worth, making her more confident and ready for a balanced partnership in the future.
Understanding the Greater Pattern: Jung believed that life events, even painful ones, are part of a larger pattern aimed at the growth of the soul. Understanding one’s divorce as part of a personal life journey rather than a failure can promote healing and a sense of purpose. As time passed, Gaia began to see her divorce not as a failure but as a stepping stone in her journey. She realized that each experience, even the difficult ones (she even does not want to use ‘difficult’ but challenging instead), had taught her valuable lessons about herself. This perspective shift helped her find a sense of meaning in her experiences, empowering her to view her life story as a journey toward self-discovery rather than a series of setbacks.
Integration and Emergence of the Self
Inner Peace and Autonomy: The final stage involves integrating all these insights and embodying a more authentic version of oneself. Embracing one's individuality and inner power is part of what Jung saw as the journey toward the Self. Over time, Gaia became comfortable in her own company, embracing her independence. She no longer felt the need to rely on someone else for her sense of happiness or stability. This inner peace and autonomy became a foundation for her life, allowing her to feel whole and secure on her own. But again, give yourself time and patience, there will be so many restless days but also miracles and gifts of the life.
Unity of Opposites: This period of integration may reveal that personal strength coexists with vulnerability, independence with interdependence, and loss with love. The husband or man, who had felt he needed to be “strong” in his marriage, may be learned to embrace his vulnerability after the divorce. If he could figure out that being strong also meant acknowledging one’s fears and accepting their need for support. This integration of strength and vulnerability allow him to become more authentic, balanced, and open to deeper, more genuine relationships.
I wanted to share these examples to illustrate how each stage of the post-divorce journey offers unique opportunities for growth, healing, and transformation, leading to a fuller, more integrated sense of self.
In short, Can Divorce or Break Ups Be an opportunity to Grow my Soul?
Absolutely, if you’re willing to look inward. Avoid blaming others, life circumstances, or even your ex. Another trick, when you meet new people, notice how they talk about their past relationships, and feel blessed that person shows his/her red flags. Don’t you see that if a person talks about someone in a negative way, he or she can also talk about you eventually and your loved ones too? Have you ever noticed this notion? So, if you want to grow from your experience and want to experience more fulfilled relationships being awaken about what others says or how do they behave or talk with other people such their family members or with waiters can be good indicators. We can have different personas, but the core qualities can be reflected in detail, and they come up when the sun shines reflect upon them. You can see cracks or changes through the eyes of the Sun. Pay attention to how others treat people in their lives – these small moments reveal a lot about someone’s character.
Conclusion… From my heart to your hearts:
In a world where we’re often told to follow a certain path, remember that dancing to the beat of your own drum is a gift. It takes courage to honor your unique rhythm, but in doing so, you not only find your own joy and freedom – you also inspire others to seek theirs. Embrace the beauty of being yourself, because life becomes truly fulfilling when we live it authentically, trusting that each step we take, even if different, leads us to where we’re meant to be.
Here’s to honoring your journey and dancing with hope in your heart.
